Empathy is priceless
EMPATHY IS PRICELESS
Ksenia Reznikova
The past year has been generous in meeting incredible people: philanthropists, donors, volunteers and ordinary people with a modest monthly income, but with an incredible heart. I met those who completely destroyed the patterns of the “Khokhlyatskiy mentality” and “my house is last in the row”.
What makes Ukrainians spend money, their own time and resources to help others? What is it: the fight against windmills, an agreement with conscience or the first sprouts of national charity culture?
CHILDREN SHOULD NOT DIE
I used to help children with cancer, without any knowledge of an emotional burnout. Having a young son, I lived by the principle “there is no such thing as other people’s children”- until one of the children, Maxim, a boy with a sad smile and huge brown cherry eyes, died of nephroblastoma.
Then I realised: the jaws of cancer are stronger than the grip of the most fantastic monsters from blockbusters and it is impossible to predict something about the course of cancer. Realised – and left active volunteering, not having the strength to accompany children during treatment.
EVERYONE CHOOSES THEIR OWN HORIZON
Six years later, I was in the children’s ward of the National Cancer Institute. Painted walls, friendly staff, a cozy corner with books, toys and chairs almost like in kindergarten – on certain days volunteers hold master classes for children. Painted walls, friendly staff, a cozy corner with books, toys and chairs almost like in kindergarten – on certain days volunteers hold master classes for children.
It was just such a day – Friday. Everything got cold inside me, and I literally forced myself to say hello and spread my lips in a smile. It’s just children. Yes, pale to transparency, thin, in masks, some are connected to the infusion machine – but ordinary children. They laugh, talk, cut something and paste it on cardboard, moms smile wearily, volunteers joke, someone invites to join …
I joke that “handmade” is not for me at all and I go out on the balcony to take a deep breath and (God forbid!) not to cry. Larisa, who arranged a tour of the branch, follows me. I know her story, so I understand why she has lived here for many years, dealing with many of the most pressing issues for both patients and their parents. I understand why, but I can’t understand how.
Larissa is constantly pulled: about the debt for medication to the pharmacy, the translation of a medical report, the results of an MRI, a broken washing machine. She knows everything, answers with a smile, but it seems to me that the latest news upset her.
The children’s cancer department is like a huge anthill, in which dozens of people, young and old, not only undergo treatment for months, but also cook in the kitchen, walk the hallways, wash and dry clothes. Larissa talks about household problems and shakes her head: if one washing machine failed, the other would not cope with the load.
In the end, I ask how she copes with the load in which she lives without vacations and weekends for almost fourteen years.
She has no answer – because there is no time to think about it. She says: people help, and every year there are more of them. Those whose children were treated in the ward and those who just want to do something useful. No, people are not afraid to become attached to children, to spend time with them, to be taken them away from their own family or work – because everyone chooses their own path as a volunteer or philanthropist, and their own horizon.
She has her own horizon and her own pain. And also – one hundred percent confidence that Ukrainians are not indifferent, sincere people. No matter what people say.
ORPHANS WILL BE SAVED BY EMPATHY
You can join charity not only by helping with money, equipment or clothes. Children deprived of parental love who have experienced tragedy or violence are most in need of systematic psychological rehabilitation and communication. Yes, specifically communication with adult, smart people. That are interested to spend time with them, abandoned and morally crippled. It is interesting to hold a master class, plant trees or build LEGO together. Read. Speak. In a human way. Without anything in return.
Bags full of tangerines, boxes of sweets and a flat-screen TV, laptops, selfies with officials who traditionally come on New Year’s Eve is the norm. But to repair the roof, upgrade the heating system, arrange the Internet connection or find an opportunity to take the children out of the hospital for a while and introduce them to the real world – no, no, we don’t have time for that.
Olya tells about it. Beautiful, smart, with tired eyes.
She works for a charitable foundation that systematically supports several institutions for children deprived of parental care. She lives like that, working without days off and full vacations. Actually, when I was given her contact, I called her and offered to meet… on Sunday, to have breakfast together – that’s how we met. And became friends.
Olya’s eyes light up when she talks about orphans who received not traditional tangerines-candies for this year’s holidays, but real gifts, which they wrote about in their letters to Santa Claus. A capsule with dolls LOL, a mobile phone, a bicycle and even a huge package of sausages – Olya laughs, remembering how she lived in a warehouse for three days, packing gifts, but how the faces of children whose dreams came true for the first time shone with happiness!
After those holidays, she spent the night in her own dressing room for a while – her nerves couldn’t stand it. But she came to her senses and returned to work: to give hope to children and to involve those who are willing to help in this.
And there are a lot of people like her.
Many Ukrainians are only now learning that charity is not just about financial aid, and they are happy to join interesting projects. Participate in marathons, flash mobs, volunteering. They come to orphanages to have a picnic with the little ones and to teach them to light a fire.
Such empathy requires almost no money, but in reality has no price. After all, big things start with a little effort, and one happy human life can grow from one dream.
“Publichni Lyudy” Magazine
February-March 2-3 (174) 2019
